First Date Ideas – Why Should Guys Pay or Not Pay?
Is it wrong to buy girl a drink at the bar?
Well, I have heard arguments from both sides (one being yes, the other being no, duh). They both make pretty compelling arguments. My personal philosophy is that you should do what naturally come to you. If you want to buy her a drink, go ahead.
BUT, AND THIS IS A BIG BUT, if you should never buy her drink to buy her attention/affection. There is a very fine and dangerous line between just buying her a drink and buying her a drink while expecting something in return. When you are about do something or buy something for a girl, you should pause and ask your self this question:
“Why am I doing this? Am I doing this to control this girl? Or am I doing this so I can get something in return from her?”
If you are not sure, about the answers to those questions you should not be doing whatever you are about to do.
Now how about when you are out on a date with a girl?
Many women will offer to split the check on a beginning date. Some will take offense and not see you again if you don’t pay for the whole check, even if they offer to pay part. Many women are screening men out for cheapness. Some women insist that a man let her share the cost. I’ve even had women insist on paying for a first or second date. There is no consistency.
What do I tell guys?
Schedule things that are free (go to the zoo, wander around a park, visit a museum, etc.) Alternatively, choose dates that are inexpensive like coffee or drinks during happy hour, and pay for it all. It shouldn’t cost more than $20.
If it goes well, you can then bounce to food, dessert, etc. … but by then you know you are doing fine and want more time with her. Plus, bouncing helps with comfort.
I don’t recommend starting with dinner, since that means you have to pay and spend 1.5 hours with a girl who may turn out not to meet your standards in one way or another. Plus you and her have to depend on each other for entertainment and conversation. I recommend that you go somewhere where there is some other form of external entertainment (but never a movie).
You can also do a second date free or inexpensively. For example, take her for a hike, or cook for her at your place. Also, cheap ethnic dive restaurants work if you can sell them as the best tacos (or whatever) around.
Usually by the third date, many women (especially the more professional ones) will split the check with you and mean it when they offer (they’ll be more insistent.)
Keep in mind that it is better to be someone who gets girls through personality and game than someone who gets girls through status/money. A cute gold digger is still a gold digger. Besides, when you get as many dates as we do, it is good to keep expenses down, especially early on with a particular girl.
In a relationship, I do believe we should both contribute somehow (assuming she has the means). For instance, if she is a struggling undergrad, she might expect you to pay, since she may not have the means to contribute financially. However, that does not prevent her from cooking dinner for you back at your or her place when you pay for the grocery.
I also don’t like the mindset that some women have that “the person who asks the other out pays,” because it is men doing the asking out. Take turns planning and paying for dates and I’m ok with it. So if she asks to you buy her a shot (this is if you have been talking to her for more than 15 minutes), you can. If you want to. Just make sure you tell her, “Hey, I’m buying this round and you can get the next round.”